I wrote this in July of 2008, shortly before I left for my Philosophy studies in India.
The sweetest of dreams is lifting my awareness to the greatest of heights
Slowly moving towards what the nature of my reality has been for so long
The materialization of what will come superceeds all intentions of the past
The star of victory grows increasingly effulgent as I draw nearer to its luminous body
Crying silently for so many births the action to be embarked upon must proceed with no further hesitation
What will come to be of this realization I know not
Treading this course I shall be true to mind endowing my spirit with all might
In every stance the battle will be fought, war will be taken as I heed the advice of the ancient Knower.
What’s interesting is I thought by going to India to study Vedanta, the subtlest of all sciences, I would gain everything I was searching for my whole life. Definitely my study there fulfilled a lifetime dream of mine, but having been back now at my Gurudev’s Ashram for a year and a half now, I realized I always had what I wanted…I always had myself and the love of myself. The time I spent living and learning in the Gurukul in India has proved immeasurable in value because it taught me so much about this personality called “Priyanka” and her relationship with God. Studying Vedanta has made me understand all I have to do is retreat into the cave of my heart and there I will find God ready to embrace me and shower all His love upon me.
If you think about it, isn’t this all of our stories? We go away to some far off land with aspirations and promises of finding the treasure of “Who am I?” And even if we don’t go halfway around the world, we keep moving to another city, state, job, or relationship. At every moment we search for change in our physical environment with each conquest providing more happiness than the last. But when does the process of “becoming” ever stop? And what is it that really needs to change in our life to make us happy?
Change really only lies in mind, it is a perception like anything else. If we perceive ourselves to be happy, we are; if we perceive ourselves to be content, we are. Moving far and wide can be expensive, but the inward movement is free and provides more riches we could ever imagine.
At the highest level we never need to go anywhere–Where can the Atman really go? It is the greatest mover, yet it moves not! Though esoterically speaking this is true, practically it can be necessary to change our environment if it’s no longer working for us.
Exploration requires you go beyond your limits and push yourself in new and difficult experiences to see how you react. We may recall the Biblical proverb, “iron sharpens iron.” So if physically moving is what requires you to “do you,” then so be it. Eventually there will come a realization that it doesn’t matter where your physical body goes, but where your mind goes.
We long so desperately for the perfect scenario of time and space not realizing that these are creations of the mind. We have the ability to design our own time and space exactly as we want and live above karma. The world of the Spirit is unconfined to causation, name, and form–this is the world the true “I am” belongs to. Therefore, anytime I want to retreat into a Himalayan cave and meditate on the truth of my Existence, I don’t book a plane ticket, I simply close my eyes and create that space within my heart.